What A Day: Getting back on Key | Crooked Media
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What A Day: Getting back on Key

Wreckage of the Francis Scott Key Bridge rests on the container ship Dali, as President Joe Biden takes an aerial tour of the collapsed Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, Friday, April 5, 2024, as seen from an accompanying aircraft. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

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Wreckage of the Francis Scott Key Bridge rests on the container ship Dali, as President Joe Biden takes an aerial tour of the collapsed Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, Friday, April 5, 2024, as seen from an accompanying aircraft. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

TROUBLED BRIDGE OVER WATER

President Biden traveled to Baltimore on Friday to assess the damage of the collapsed Francis Scott Key bridge, ten days after a massive container ship plowed into it.

 
  • During his speech, Biden promised to “move heaven and earth to rebuild this bridge as rapidly as possible,” and to do so with “union labor and American steel.” The Department of Transportation also announced on Friday that a previously-awarded $8 million grant can be used to expand cargo capacity at the nearby Tradepoint Atlantic port, and the Biden administration dispensed $60 million in emergency relief funds last week. The bodies of four construction workers, who are missing and presumed buried among the rubble below the surface of the river, have still not been recovered, but efforts are ongoing.

 
  • The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers announced on Thursday a tentative timeline for reopening the shipping channel blocked by the collapse. Officials reported that tests have shown no pollution in the waters surrounding the stranded container ship that struck the bridge, and are working to remove cargo containers in the vessel to help refloat it. Sen. Ben Cardin (D-MD) held a press briefing on Thursday and promised to “hold all responsible parties fully accountable.”

An analysis by Morningstar found that insurance companies could ultimately pay out between $2 billion and $4 billion for damages and economic aftershocks from the bridge collapse, which would make this the most costly disaster in maritime history.
- Early aughts White rapper Kid Rock defending his Budweiser hat with a drink in hand on Fox’s Laura Ingraham show. Republicans: only sending their best!

NEWS NEWS NEWS

A magnitude 4.8 earthquake hit New York City and New Jersey on Friday morning. Mayor Eric Adams is expected to send 800,000 cops to investigate and arrest the earthquake.

Tesla scrapped long-promised plans for a mass-market, inexpensive car, Reuters reported, citing three sources and company messages seen by the news agency. CEO Elon Musk is somewhere drafting a tweet to blame this on DEI.

A new round of ceasefire discussions will occur this weekend between delegations from Israel and Hamas, mediated by Egypt and Qatar with support from the United States.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) claimed that the Tri-State area earthquake and the forthcoming eclipse are signs God is sending to America “tell[ing] us to repent.” Both are, of course, naturally occurring events, and we’ve known the eclipse was coming for decades.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is expanding his conspiracy theory portfolio, this time by continually questioning the events of January 6 and whether they constitute an insurrection. He released an eight-paragraph statement defending his beliefs on Friday, while also mentioning that he had “not examined the evidence in detail.” Yeah, my guy, we can tell!

An Italian court placed famed designer apparel company Armani under receivership for allegedly subcontracting to Chinese companies that exploit their workers. Not chic!!!

After all that hand-wringing, the national director of grifters du jour No Labels says he would vote for Joe Biden over Trump, after the group gave up on a presidential bid, failing to secure a candidate.

A New York bankruptcy judge ruled that disgraced former Mayor Rudy Giuliani will be allowed to remain in his Florida condo for now, after declining to rule on a motion filed by Giuliani’s creditors that would have forced him out. Giuliani declared bankruptcy in December after being ordered to pay $148 million to two former Georgia election workers for spreading lies about their role in the 2020 election. The former mayor claims he needs to hold on to his Florida condo because—I wish I were making this up—he needs to record his podcast there. If he does end up losing both of his houses, Giuliani is a natural fit for living under a bridge and asking people to answer his riddles three.

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